Women, Girls, Ladies

"A Great Awakening"

2010-10-01T14:35:00.000-07:00

We're all going to go to bed with massive, contented smiles on our faces after reading this young woman's reaction to our most recent panel, in which she says that she experienced, "a great awakening of the calm, negotiable, and strong feminist I can be." Amen.

And check out this great video she shot of one of the Starr Symposium organizers pre-show:

Thank you Kansas City!

2010-10-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

We had an incredible day in Kansas City, Missouri with the wonderful women of the UMKC Women's Center and the Starr Symposium. It started with a workshop designed to foster intergenerational dialogue among women about work/life issues. We had all sorts of interesting insights, including the fact that power remains a problematic word for a lot of women. (More reason to read Gloria's new book!)

Our evening panel was filled with rich images, good humor, and deep insights (if we do say so ourselves). Actually, we don't have to say it, because so many other people have been. Here's a selection of the blog posts that have been written by diverse women in reaction to our conversation in Kansas City:

I was intellectually blissed out for two hours...After the talk, I went over to say hello to Gloria, who spoke at BlogHer '10, and mentioned I sure wish I'd had Gloria Feldt to talk to when I was 15.

'I know,' she said. 'I wish I had Gloria Feldt when I was 15.'

And therein lies the rub. We have to grow into our power. And we can't do that if we're so exhausted from balancing jobs and family that we have no time left for what's in our heads.

-Rita Arens, BlogHer

It was more than perfect. My time in the auditorium reminded me that I had been raised by a woman – my mother – who is a raging feminist, and that I had been deeply molded by two women – my grandmothers – who would have never admitted to being feminists in any form. These women gave me their best and let me catch glimpses of their worst. What shakes me to my core is that I never think about being a feminist myself, because I really don’t have to very much. It is ingrained in me to believe that women can do anything and be anything.

-S. Sloane Simmons, UMKC Women's Center Board Member
UMKC Women's Center blog

Thank you all for not being afraid to advocate for a world where men and women can enjoy 'genuine equality, educated choice, and live intentionally with authenticity.' Thank you for not being afraid to claim the “f-word” and for setting an example for:
-how to redefine power structures in an effort to correct imbalances
-how to understand our worth as women-individuals and negotiate accordingly
-how to assert our wants and needs without making unhealthy compromises
-how to approach partnership-relationships and work-life balance
-how to imagine better for our sons and daughters
-how to be courageous and when faltering or failing, do so GREATLY
and forgive ourselves
and try again tomorrow–
wiser, but also with as much passion, fervor, and optimism as before.

-Chiazotam Ekekezie, to live (def)

Power from Intergenerational Perspectives

2010-09-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

It's been so fun for me to read the galley (the pre-publication form of a book) of Gloria's new manifesto: No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power. It's brought up all sorts of questions for me:

When does it become noble to exercise one's personal power in service to the collective and when is it self-sacrificing?

Why doesn't it feel like the rise of technological tools like the Internet have supported us to see the ways in which we have collective power? Instead it seems to encourage further individualization.

Is it really courage, as Gloria asserts, that women are lacking, or is it focus?

It's interesting that we have both been thinking, researching, and writing so much about power, social change, and gender, but coming at it from very different angles. My new book, Do It Anyway: The New Generation of Activists, was published by Beacon Press on September 7th. Here's a video of me talking about why I wrote it:

It's all great fodder for our upcoming panel at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, where we are returning for a second time to focus on work/life issues. We're very excited. (Thanks Brenda!)

And look out for the October issue of Harper's, in which Susan Faludi writes an article about intergenerational feminism that prominently features WomenGirlsLadies! We can't wait to see what Faludi had to say.

Don't Think Like an Elephant

2010-04-17T11:00:00.000-07:00

Recently I was at the SeeJaneDo conference where I heard this story. I was so moved by it that I immediately had to include it in my forthcoming book about women's relationship with power--No Excuses, to be published in October--despite having already having turned in what were supposed to be the last changes.

It’s said that when a baby elephant is being trained, she is tied to a post almost immediately after birth. During the first few weeks of life, she attempts to break free of her restraints, but she’s not strong enough. So she comes to believe she can’t get away from what is holding her back even after she has grown large and plenty powerful to uproot the post entirely. As a consequence, even as an adult, she remains tied to the post due to an internally motivated behavior that is no longer rooted in external reality.

Wow, that just perfectly describes so many of the women in my generation, including myself. If women want to embrace our power we must reject baby elephant thinking and throw off the shackles of learned behavior that no longer serves us. And when older women talk with younger ones, they might have no reference point for the barriers we older ones are all too familiar with. No wonder there can be strains on communication across generations!

One of the most heartening differences I have found among the generations is that the younger women are, the less likely they are to hold such false restraints in their minds. But the older women are, the more likely they are to have a sense of engagement with the women's movement that has fought for the very advances that created the amazing possibilities women today have to do or be whatever they choose. Without a movement, it is easy to start going backward. History is replete with advances that turned into retreats because people didn't know how they got there.

All of this is why I feel the conversation engendered by WomenGirlsLadies is so important, and I invite you to participate in it here on our blog or in person if we are so fortunate as to be invited to your university or organization.

The Paradox of Reproductive Choice

2010-04-15T12:52:00.000-07:00

There's nothing that gets the intergenerational dialogue churning like that ever-elusive quest for a balance of love, work, and babes. My column this week highlights some of the specific forces that are influencing my generation. An excerpt:

This year -- the year I turned 30 -- the birth-control pill is turning 50. As Elaine Tyler May points out in her new book, America and the Pill, that little technology promised a whole lot of change -- feminist liberation, angst-free sex, world peace -- that it hasn't quite delivered. Another thing that the pill didn't do was eradicate the modern woman's wrestle with those tricky twins: time and fertility.

I've recently left my 20s behind and people have started asking me if I'm going to procreate. I don't blame them. I'm acutely aware of the fact that time is already not on my side. Most studies indicate that fertility takes a downturn for most women in their 30s; most studies also indicate that men's sperm become less hearty as well.

This race against time is nothing new for people who want to have children but also want to enjoy their work, leisure, and autonomy. We still don't have federal legislation or a workplace culture that supports working families. We still haven't figured out the child-care hustle in our private lives.

What is new is the specific cultural moment in which we struggle.

Thank You Arizona State University!

2009-10-27T11:14:00.000-07:00

We had a fantastic event this month at ASU. Here's a picture of the crew of us--this time we were grateful to be joined by Maria Teresa Kumar, of Voto Latino, and Brittany Collins, an amazing ASU student.

Women and Power: Connecting Across Generations

2009-08-02T01:17:00.000-07:00

Check out Marianne Schnall and Patty Goodwin's piece on intergenerational feminism in anticipation of the Omega Institute's upcoming conference. I'll be speaking, along with Helen Thomas, Gloria Steinem, and many, many more. After introducing the three of us, they write:

So what do these three women have to talk about? Are they on the same page or at each other's throats? The cross-generational cartoon stereotype depicts a 60-something, white, man-hating, frizzy-haired feminist sneering at a spoiled, bulimic, twenty-something slacker. And some pundits would have you believe there's a vast generational divide, with not only divergent life experiences, but rivers of misunderstanding and resentment flowing through it.

But Courtney Martin doesn't entirely agree, and points to the media spreading common misconceptions about younger women including "the notion that my generation, the younger generation, is entitled, and ungrateful, or out of touch with what feminism means. That is something I hear bandied about a lot, particularly in mainstream media spheres."

The (Happy) Female Breadwinner

2009-07-13T06:07:00.000-07:00

Check out this interesting podcast by Michelle Haimoff where she interviews Judith Rosenthal, a financial advisor and the primary breadwinner of her family, about the way female breadwinners are depicted in the media, the cultural definitions of masculinity and femininity, and the myth of "having it all."

Don't Call it a He-Cession

2009-06-22T06:19:00.000-07:00

Check out my column, largely inspired by our conversation Saturday, on men's involved in feminist activism. An excerpt:

The truth is our fates are inextricably tied together, not running on two parallel tracks. When men lose their jobs -- and, indeed, they have at a higher rate than women recently -- American families all suffer, just as they suffer when women are paid unequal wages or fired for missing work to take care of sick kids or an elderly parent. Newsflash: Men aren't from Mars and women aren't from Venus; we're all struggling to make healthy, meaningful lives on the same damn planet -- and it's time we started acting like it.

Photos from Dads, Dudes, and Doing It

2009-06-21T12:45:00.001-07:00

It was sort of emotional for each of us in different ways to be talking about our fathers. I was missing mine who died almost 15 years ago, Deborah's pregnancy hormones exacerbated her weepiness when relating her own childhood to the twins she and Marco will soon welcome into the world, Courtney talks about how her father resigned from an all-male club when she was born because he didn't want to belong to an organization that wouldn't allow his daughter to be a member, and Kristal riveted us with her touching story of having used her newly hatched journalism skills to track down the father who had been absent from her life almost since birth and persuading him to attend her graduation with a PhD at age 27. Here we're answering questions after we told our own stories at the Brooklyn Museum yesterday. L-R: Gloria, Deborah, Kristal, Courtney

Here's Elizabeth Sackler, whose vision and philanthropy made this event possible.

Signing books afterward. We appreciate everyone who attended on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Let us know your afterthoughts.

Dads, Dudes, and Doing It THIS SATURDAY

2009-06-17T06:27:00.000-07:00

DADSDUDES_F

Gearing up for Dads, Dudes, and Doing It with Notes from Daddy Land

2009-06-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

In preparation for our Dads, Dudes, and Doing It event coming up, I wanted to share some posts from The Man Files -- a regular feature by author/blogger Shira Tarrant -- over at the group blog I edit, Girl w/Pen. The latest entry, titled "Stuff Hallmark Doesn't Put on Father's Day Cards," is by Men Speak Out contributor, school social worker, community activist, lecturer, and writer and a founder of The Real MEN’s Project, Dani Meier.

As Shira explains, Dani writes about his experience as both a custodial and non-custodial parent. This stuff doesn’t fit neatly on a Hallmark card, but it should! It comes from the heart and speaks to so many, whether we are fathers, have fathers, or watch our children’s relationships with their own dads unfold.

You can read Dani's post right here.

Thank You Princeton!

2009-06-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

We had a great event last weekend at Princeton, despite having to compete with raucous reunion festivities. (It turns out that Princeton alumni are very serious about their reunion-ing.)

Some of the great questions/insights that audience members brought up included:

What happens when women become more financially or professionally successful than their male partners? One woman in the audience feels that the contrast cost her a marriage!

We need to expand the work/life conversation beyond "get as much help as you can" in privileged circles. How can we see it as a collective fight, not a personal failure?

Are women biologically predisposed to want to spend time with their babies in a way that feminists don't feel comfortable admitting? An OB-GYN assures everyone that no woman can possibly know how she'll feel (in terms of desires around staying home or getting back to work), until she's in that post-birth moment.

Perhaps the 1970s feminist movement was not as cohesive as it is somehow portrayed to younger women. Would love to talk more about this...

Thanks to the amazing organizers, Amada, Jennifer, and Chloe, and all of those who came out for the event!

Dads, Dudes, and Doing It at the Brooklyn Museum June 20 @ 2pm

2009-05-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

Is the relative explosion of Mr. Moms proof that things are finally changing or is it just a temporary sign of the dire economic times?

In a world that is finally waking up to women’s sexual fluidity, are men going to be left out in the cold? And, why are some women still attracted to assholes, in reality, if they claim to be so interested in sensitive men, in theory?

When are more men going to care about work/family balance? And what the heck is the role of men in the feminist movement, anyway?

These are just some of the questions that your WomenGirlsLadies team with tackle in this provocative discussion at the Brooklyn Museum right in time for Father’s Day. Representing the perspectives of four unique generations, we’ll wrestle with women’s ever-evolving relationship with the men in their lives—fathers, partners, and sons—and the men out in the world—from Rush Limbaugh to Barack Obama.

Here's some of our recent audience reaction: Shelly Heller, Director of the Women’s Leader Program at George Washington University calls us, “engaging, clear, direct, and often extremely personal,” and Maya Wainhaus, Program Coordinator at 92YTribeca, says “The panelists left the whole room feeling energized and ready to take charge!”

Come and join the long overdue conversation, with special guests Susan Faludi, Jessica Valenti, and Trey Ellis among others. The event is FREE but bring your voice!

We're thrilled that the event is co-sponsored by the Women’s Media Center, 85 Broads, and the National Council for Research on Women too.

Gearing Up for Princeton

2009-05-18T14:39:00.000-07:00

As we're preparing for our much-anticipated appearance at Princeton's alumni weekend, (Saturday, May 30, 4pm in McCosh 10) we've been mulling over some of the most important questions these days concerning women and work/the economy. Here are a few we've come up with:

What was the climate for women and work when and where you were born, and how did that inform the way you grew up thinking about your own possibilities?
What do you think is peculiar about your generation's relationship to work and/or money? What's media hype (i.e. my generation=entitled) and what's accurate?
What is the unfinished business of feminism, esp, when it comes to work and family issues?

Holler if you've got other suggestions.

Bea Arthur: How One Powered Women Spoke Up

2009-04-28T16:25:00.000-07:00

[Note: I'm sharing this article I wrote about Bea Arthur's passing here because the character she played on "Maude" was such a classic depiction of the generation of feminists during the 1970's. Of course, those sophisticated women like Maude in New York were way ahead of me and my peers out in West Texas. Still, the fundamental human stories have always been the same across time and generations. You can see additional video and photos here.]

4/25/09 Actress Bea Arthur died today at age 86.

She was a Tony-winning stage actress when Norman Lear saw her and tapped her for a guest role in his famous "All in the Family" series, where she played Edith Bunker's mouthy liberal cousin Maude who was always at odds with Edith's conservative husband Archie. "Maude" soon became a sitcom of its own, and Arthur's character continued taking on the significant social and political issues of the day--speaking up about all those subjects we were warned against bringing up in polite company, from sex and infidelity to politics and activism to death and depression.

It was the mid-1970's at the height of second wave feminism, and if ever there were proof that feminists have a sense of humor, it was in Maude's way of playing even the most serious of subjects for laughs.

In this classic exchange between Maude her husband Walter, who arrives home to find Maude distraught, the show dealt with abortion--a first on a major sitcom to do so forthrightly.

Walter: Maude, did you wreck the car again?

Maude: Did you hear that, everybody? DID YOU HEAR THAT? Not "Maude, are you sick?" Or "Maude, are you unhappy?" Or even, "Maude, are you pregnant?" No, "Maude, did you wreck the car again?"

Walter: You're right, darling. You're absolutely right. I'm sorry. So tell me, are you sick?

Maude: No.

Walter: Are you unhappy?

Maude: No.

Walter: Are you pregnant?

Maude: Yes.

They go through all aspects of the decision process. Maude, already a grandmother in her late 40's, decides she should not go through with the pregnancy and has an abortion. Watch the video to see how her daughter speaks of abortion as it should be.

It was a little slice of realism rarely seen today, when the option of abortion is so often pushed again into the virtual back room and rarely mentioned in pop culture; the movie "Knocked Up", for example, uses the euphemism "rhymes with smashmortion" rather than mention this--the most common women's surgical procedure--by name. And soap operas are famous for those well-timed miscarriages that avoid the sticky subject of real women making reproductive choices, while leaving the full drama of mistimed pregnancies available to their script lines.

After "Maude", Arthur had a chance to open up for public discussion yet one more previously off-limits topic: aging, especially the issues women face aging in a youth-oriented culture. She played Dorothy on "The Golden Girls," the NBC comedy hit that ran from 1985-92. The show explored the lives of three older women sharing a household in Miami with Dorothy's widowed mother, Sophia (played by Estelle Getty). Besides Arthur's character, there was Betty White playing the ditsy Rose and Rue McClanahan as the sexy senior, Blanche.

Arthur won Emmys for both "Maude" and "Golden Girls". She was inducted into Academy of Television Arts & Sciences Hall of Fame in 2008, an honor well-deserved for her lifetime of extraordinary work.

But personally, I am most grateful to Bea Arthur, (and of course to Norman Lear and everyone associated with "Maude") for bringing the reality of unintended pregnancy and abortion out of the back room and into the real human story where it belongs. May she rest in peace and her memory be a blessing to us all.

http://www.GloriaFeldt.com/powered-women

72-27

2009-04-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

Check out this wonderful intergenerational feminist blog, 72-27, by a couple of Christian women. There is incredible depth and breadth in the topics they discuss. An excerpt:

By making known what is happening to our sisters around the world, we may be doing our little part to pull up the shades, let in the light, and increase awareness of how much work we have yet to do to help girls and women dream their dreams and experience the light of education and empowerment. And we need men to help, too. Women can’t do it alone, because we’re all in this together. Jesus told us not to hide our light under a bushel, so we need to spread the light we’ve been given.

Princeton or Bust!

2009-04-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

Good news all you Jersey gals and guys--we're headed to Princeton University on May 30th for the alumni festivities. We'll keep you posted on timing and exact location. Thanks to Amada, at the Women's Center, for making it all happen!

The End fo the Women's Movement

2009-03-30T09:04:00.000-07:00

Check out Courtney's take on Unfinished Business, an intergenerational event at the Elizabeth A. Sackler Center for Feminist Art at the Brooklyn Museum of Art. An excerpt:

In today's climate of shaky economics, smaller and smaller subcultures, and lightning-speed information, a feminism based on picket lines and in-person consciousness-raising groups is next to impossible. I wish that we could all come to terms with that. Instead of pining over days far gone or talking about how we might resurrect them, we could put our energy into supporting the good work on the ground going on right now -- the Young Women's Empowerment Project in Chicago, the Student Action with Farmworkers in Durham, Exhale after-abortion counseling in Oakland, Domestic Workers United in New York, and more. We could revise our expectations -- not a few giant fireworks but so many little sparks; not worldwide protests but effective public-awareness campaigns and advocacy and service provision; not a unified body but a courageous and creative culture.

And don't miss Debbie's great live blogging of the event.

Sisterhood is Powerful for a New Generation

2009-03-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

Chloe Angyal, a senior at Princeton who attended our panel last week, was inspired to write this op-ed about sisterhood and feminism for the Christian Science Monitor. Congratulations Chloe! Here's an excerpt:

Everywhere you look, young women are taking action to carry on the work done by previous generations, and not just in the area of reproductive rights. Women are reading, writing, blogging, voting, protesting, educating, speaking, and working to build on the progress – political, legal and cultural – that older women have worked so hard to achieve. As women we all need to remember that we're on the same side.

That's what sisterhood is, and it can be a powerful thing.

That's not to say women shouldn't support other women simply because they happen to have the XX chromosome in common. But in order to ensure continued progress for women, older women need to form relationships with younger women instead of fearing us or belittling us. Even when we don't agree, women need to engage with one another's ideas and intellects, instead of going for the modern-day jugular of appearance and weight. We won't always agree, but we must always treat each other with respect, and we must applaud, and listen to women when they speak out in a world that seeks to silence them.

Check out Chloe's great blog too!

Feminism and the New Great Depression

2009-03-19T13:22:00.000-07:00

Check out Elisabeth Garber-Paul's take on the panel over at RH Reality Check! An excerpt:

Looks like feminism’s at a crossroads, and there’s a very surprising group that could hold the key to the future of the movement: men. (So does this mean I should go buy my goldfish a new bike?)

Reflections on Last Night's Great Event

2009-03-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who came out last night for our lively discussion about feminism, work, and the economy. The 92Y people made us feel right at home, creating a beautiful event complete with fun music and seamless visuals. There were so many interesting points brought up, both by our panelists (if we do say so ourselves) and the amazing audience--which was refreshingly intergenerational with plenty o' great men representin'. Here are just a few of the things that I (Courtney) will be chewing on for awhile:

* There is an opportunity, this economic downturn, for all sorts of gender shake-up. When we're forced to recognize that old styles of leadership and assumptions about gender roles are no longer valid, we can get even the most reluctant folks to try a more enlightened, equal approach. The media coverage of this phenomenon has been totally unsatisfying (dads who cook! women who work! what a revelation!), but in truth, there is something interesting going on.

* American workplaces won't change--in policy or culture--until men take this on as their own issue just as women have for years. If they can't do it under this big tent movement called feminism, maybe they can invent their own way of owning the issues. I recommend John DeGraff's Take Back Your Time organization as one way for men to test the waters.

* When older women are happy with younger women, they refer to them as empowered. When they're irritated, they call us entitled. The real meaning of entitlement is "a belief that one is deserving of certain privileges or rights." Sounds like what feminism had in mind all along, no?

* The word "choice," as you might imagine, came up an awful lot. Gloria Feldt, who is part of the ungeneration and has been through a lot of life, gets irritated when women lament how difficult it is to have so many choices. Debbie Siegel, 40-years-old and facing lay off woes with her husband, talked about men being in a unique position to choose how they want to remake masculinity in this age of uncertainty. Elizabeth Hines, in her early 30s and 9 months pregnant, talked about how it never seemed like there was a "choice" to be had in her family. Women worked through motherhood, no question about it. I am really interested in the idea that feminism is too often cast as heroism instead of self-respect. In other words, it's been perverted to meant that you choose yes on everything, rather than carefully choosing autonomy, health, fulfillment, and yes, family, if that's what you want. I think our outlandish expectations for ourselves mixed with that sense so many women have that only they can make the dinner, have the talk with their teenage daughter, clean up the living room etc. well enough, perpetuates this sense of never being enough, either in work or family.

We'd love to hear if you attended--what were your take-aways?

Join Us for a Fresh Conversation!

2009-03-04T06:29:00.000-08:00

Young women don’t know anything about the history of the women’s movement, or what’s still at stake. They want to be the CEO of the company after a month of making copies, even in this failing economy!

Older women can’t let go of their leadership positions! I tend to just look to older men in the company to mentor me because then I can avoid all the weird jealousy and judgment that comes from older women.

Sound familiar? Too often finger-pointing statements like these are declared by frustrated leaders by the water cooler and back and forth via email by younger women sick of invisibility. With all the important work to do, it is time that women of all ages talked and listened to one another instead of rehashing the same cliquish complaints in isolation. It is time that we reopen a dialogue about women’s lives, power, entitlement, and empowerment. Gloria Feldt, Elizabeth Hines, Deborah Siegel, and Courtney E. Martin—four diverse, feminist authors and activists representing generations from Generation Y to pre-Baby Boomer—will do just that in honor of Women’s History Month on. Come and join the long overdue discussion, co-sponsored by the Women's Media Center and 85 Broads.

When: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 @ 7pm

Where: The 92nd Street Y-Tribeca, 200 Hudson Street

Some Choice Pics From Kansas City!

2009-03-04T05:02:00.000-08:00

Gloria demonstrating that trademark enthusiasm.

Courtney signing books.

Kristal talking about the depiction of working women and welfare.

Work and Life: An Intergenerational Conversation

2009-03-04T05:00:00.000-08:00

Check out our brand new piece, in honor of Women's Day, over at the Women's Media Center. An excerpt from Gloria's wonderful take:

Where do you life?

Isn’t that one of the identifying questions people ask new acquaintances? The four of us—feminists spanning five decades—might answer by describing the physical housing we find for ourselves in each of our generational life cycles. But in a larger sense, a generation views the world from where it “lives” and interacts uniquely with such circumstances as the current economic recession.

Deborah has just turned 40. She and her husband will soon look to buy a home larger than the one-bedroom they own, while trying to have their first child. Marco’s job was recently eliminated; still, at the midpoint of life, they can reasonably assume that investments will regain their worth and better income-earning days lie ahead.

Deborah’s two years older than I was when my youngest graduated from high school.

Elizabeth, 33, is pregnant with her first child, due in April. She and her partner Jessica rented a two-bedroom apartment two years ago because they planned to have children. Next they want to buy a larger place, possibly in suburbia, though the economy gives them pause.

Same sex couples would never have lived together openly, let alone get to experience the joys of children, in 1958. That’s when my Aunt Ida, bless her, died and left me $550 in savings bonds she’d bought from her meager department store clerk salary—exactly what my then-husband and I needed for the down payment on our tract house on Bonham Street in Odessa, Texas. (“Friday Night Lights” fans, that’s a block from Permian High School; yes, my children graduated from the mighty Mojo.)
And Courtney, our 29-year-old millennial, bought her first home last year. Her long-term significant other recently moved in with her, but not until she’d followed her mother’s advice to live alone for some years first.

I’m 67. Like most women from the post-WWII cohort, I was married with three children and keeping house, not building a career, in my twenties. Where Courtney wants work-life balance, I just wanted to work—and not in a “help wanted, women” tagged job. Even women with jobs couldn’t get credit without male co-signers. Buy a house? Laughable. Those injustices made the personal political for me.

Courtney on the 50th Anniversary of Barbie

2009-03-03T06:47:00.000-08:00

As Barbie turns 50 this year, and I turn 30, it seems an opportune time to reflect on just how much, or how little, Barbie really causes problems for little girls' self-image.

Here's the received, feminist wisdom: Barbie's freakishly tiny waist and history of self-abasement (most famously in 1992 when she said, "Math class is tough!") influences girls to have impossible standards for ideal beauty and underestimate their own intelligence.

My own mother, a second-wave feminist and therapist to boot, tried to minimize Barbie's ominous presence in my life to no avail. I would beg, steal, and borrow just to get one of those stiff plastic ladies into my hot little hands.

And here I am, a couple decades later – happy with my curves, convinced of my own intelligence, and unabashedly feminist.

Read the rest here.

UMKC's Gorgeous Advertisement for the Event!

2008-11-16T14:53:00.001-08:00

Kansas City Rocks!

2008-11-14T07:06:00.000-08:00

We had an incredible experience yesterday in Kansas City. First we did a very interactive, intergenerational workshop over at University of Missouri-Kansas City where we met fascinating local women (many of them named Linda?!) from the YWCA, The American Association of University Women, the incredible UMKC Women's Center staff and board, and so many more.

One of the big insights that came up from that experience was a question:

When do we, as feminists, confront sexism directly and when do we deal with it indirectly instead?

It seemed like so many of the experiences and anecdotes that women of all generations brought to the table were focused on this difficult negotiation. In order to get the progress we so desire, do we swallow some of our ire when a sexist guy says something inane? Or is it our responsibility as loud and proud feminists to call him out regardless of the fall out?

As if that conversation wasn't rich enough, we still had the big event to come. Yesterday evening we had a panel in honor of Ruth Margolin, Founding Director of the UMKC Women's Center. There was a huge crowd (300+) in the absolutely beautiful Kansas City Public Library-Plaza Branch. After wine and cheese we migrated into the newly renovated auditorium and got to hear some wonderful words about Ruth Margolin's fiery character. Apparently she was never afraid of being a loud and proud feminist! It was so special to be having our dialogue in honor of her legacy.

The audience brought up a range of issues; everything from women in the military, pay equity, body image, abortion, Clinton's infidelity scandal, Sarah Palin, and racial tensions within feminism were a part of the conversation.

Thanks to all who contributed your insights and questions. And thanks to everyone at UMKC, especially Brenda Bethman, for making this really exquisite event and experience possible! And a special, special thanks to Maria Teresa Petersen, who stepped in for the much missed Deborah Siegel with grace and eloquence. Maria Teresa was fantastic. Check out her organization, Voto Latino, here.

*The Kansas City Star did a great write up of the event. So did The Pitch, Kansas City's weekly, but check out the title! "Meow Mix"? Come on people, this is exactly the point of our panel. When men disagree, it's called a disagreement. When women disagree, it's called a cat fight. Thank goodness we're reclaiming the frame!

We Got to Wear Shades

2008-09-25T19:34:00.001-07:00

We've just finished our panel at George Washington's Elizabeth J. Somers Women's Leadership Program and I have to say, we all feel tremendously encouraged by the amazing women we met there and just a bit proud of our own little quartet for prompting such great questions and reflections from the audience. Topics of conversation during the Q&A included: race vs. gender in the election, work/family balance, public policy approaches to rape and sexual assault, "opting out," dealing with anti-feminist crap from insecure boys, beauty standards and their sources, abortion, equality vs. elevating women above men, women in politics, intersection feminism etc.

Thank you to Dean Heller and all those that joined us in the conversation. The future is looking pretty bright...

Washington DC, Here We Come!

2008-09-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

As the election heats up and women's role in politics becomes even more important to discuss across the generations, we're headed to the heart of it all for two exciting panels. The first, unfortunately not open to the public, is an evening talk at George Washington University where we will be speaking to the young women and faculty of their wonderful Elizabeth J Somers Women's Leadership Program. We're excited to hear what the community there is thinking and feeling, and to share a bit of our own experiences and passions.

The second stop in DC will be The Association for Women in Communications Annual Conference where we are the lunchtime keynote address. This will be a fun change of pace for us, as we most often speak with college audiences. We can't wait to hear what professionals of all different ages are thinking about, especially with regard to communication in our complex times. We hope to see you there!

An Airport Reflection

2008-08-07T08:52:00.000-07:00

Check out an essay from Kristal that I posted over at feminsting. An excerpt:

They were interested in fashion, and topics such as weight gain, designer
brands, drinking, and parties. Oh, and they hated long flights.

Their conversation got me thinking about women and power. Maybe I was being
too hard on the girls, but I wondered: with the myriad of options available
to them in this day and age of possibility, achievement and access, why were
they missing out?

Why hadn't any of the things feminists had been writing and speaking about
(and living) actually translated into their lives?

Of course there are pea-brained young men out there too. But there was
something about these two women that was especially unsettling: perhaps it
was their profound vulnerability, I thought, in a world that will so quickly
leave them behind.

Or maybe it was the fact that they seemed so disinterested in their own
potential -- their own present, as well as future power.

Or maybe I was just a 40-something old fogy, witnessing that perfectly
normal phase that so many young people go through as they struggle to find
their way into adulthood. I've been there. Maybe they'll pull it together
eventually, I thought, and find their own unique passions.

And when they do, I hope that feminism will be there -- ready to help make
the journey beyond fashion and fake eyelashes, into true power.

More Than a Mother-Daughter Debate

2008-04-21T10:56:00.001-07:00

Right before heading out to our Harvard panel, I discovered that famed-controversy starter Linda Hirshman had used me as the lead to her latest provocation. Basically, she argued that the woman's vote in this election could be boiled down to a mother-daughter dynamic. Here's a piece I wrote in response, which argues essentially that intergenerational interactions within feminism are most productive, joyful, and fortifying when they acknowledge all of our complexity. I used my disappointing and exciting experiences along the way on our still-building tour as evidence. An excerpt:

I have gained an immeasurable amount from the wise, older women who have challenged my views on this election and other issues within a context of complexity. These women have made me a better thinker, a better writer, a better feminist, and a better human. And because of them, I will not cower, but I promise to be grateful. I will not forget, but I must also move on. I will not be a dutiful daughter, but I promise to be an impassioned, authentic, and brave inheritor.

Thanks to Debbie and Kristal for the encouragement to pen this piece on the way home Saturday morning!

The WGLs Go to Harvard

2008-04-21T04:46:00.000-07:00

We're back from our WomenGirlsLadies event at Harvard, orchestrated by the Harvard Women's Center--a center which didn't exist, we learned, until just 2 years ago. Not that Harvard hasn't been in need of this center or anything before then (ahem). Shout outs to Susan Marine, Sandra Ullman, Natasha, Annemarie, Andreas, and the rest of the crew over there for bringing us to town (we had a blast!), but mostly for the important work you do on campus all year long.

We always try very hard to turn the panel (subtitle: A FRESH Conversation about Feminism across Generations) into audience conversations, and after our presentation this time a very interesting Q&A ensued. Courtney is writing about it in her column today over at The American Prospect, so stay tuned.

And ohhh but it's been an interesting week in the land of intergenerational feminist convo around the election! In case you missed it, here's a quick recap:

Amy Tiemann in Women's eNews (with a follow-up on her blog)
Amanda Fortini in New York Magazine
Rebecca Traister in Salon
Linda Hirshman in Slate

Commentary to follow--I'll be doing a podcast this morning over at MojoMom.com with my 2cents on it all and promise to post the link.

Feminist Awakening at Age 14

2008-04-11T14:23:00.001-07:00

The WGLs as a group do not support the same candidate, but I just had to share this post from 14-year old feminist Samantha French, over at my blog today, Girl with Pen. It begins:

As we all know, the buzz around America’s college campuses is Barack Obama and how he represents change for America. According to the media, he has overwhelming appeal to the country’s so-called “youth.” And it’s true. The phrase “yes we can” is being inhaled faster than pot brownies and Jell-O shots at a frat party. However, what the media seems to be consistently ignoring is the opinions of the country’s real, good old-fashioned, disenfranchised youth: high school students. Who are almost unanimously pro-Hilary.

OK, so I’m dreaming.

As a female freshman in Bard High School Early College, one of New York’s more liberal high schools where nearly two-thirds of the student body are females, there is not huge support for Hillary, which makes me sad. Many people at Bard, both male and female, support Obama because they are “tired of the Clintons” (a notion which they have obviously been fed by their parents. Think about it: the last time a Clinton was in office they were eight at the very most).

At first, I agreed with them. My dad’s a die-hard Obama supporter and so are a lot of my friends. But the turning point came for me when I saw how upset and truly devoted Hillary was to the race after her defeat at the Iowa caucus. The moment that the cameras revealed her sad eyes, I realized that I was seeing in her something rarely seen in any presidential candidate: a human being. While my father continued to be very pro-Obama (re-recording Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock,” titled, I Want Barak,)—and put pressure on me to agree with him—I felt a connection with Hillary after that night.

Sam is a student at Writopia Lab, a writing enrichment program located on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. You can read the rest here.

Feminists Gettin' Intergenerational at The New School...

2008-04-02T02:17:00.000-07:00

Here's a recap of the intergenerational feminist panel I spoke on last week at The New School, organized by Ann Snitow. (Thank you, Kristen, for that incredibly thoughtful write-up!)

WGL @ The New York Times!

2008-04-01T12:16:00.001-07:00

Check out the guest blog Debbie and I did for our favorite gal, Marci Alboher, who runs the Shifting Careers blog over at The New York Times. An excerpt:

DS: I’m noticing that the younger women in our audiences frequently talk about a lack of mentoring at nonprofit organizations. The older women we talk to—the college professors, the nonprofit execs—tell us younger women expect too much from them. Why do you think there seems to be such a disconnect in expectations at this point in time?

CM: I think we were a generation told, “You can be anything!” and we mistranslated it as “I have to be everything.” Our outlandish expectations of our mentors are just a reflection of our outlandish expectation of ourselves. The hardest thing is to find balance between going for your wildest dreams and having reasonable, healthy goals. Any advice?

Intergenerational Feminist Series at Jewcy.com

2008-03-25T14:07:00.000-07:00

The intergenerational convo continues to heat up over at Jewcy. Check out our third round in the series on this election, feminism, and dog whistles. Don't ask, just read.

Three Generations at SUNY-New Paltz

2008-03-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

Here's a shot of yesterday's intergenerational feminist panel at SUNY-New Paltz--Amy Kesselman, Elizabeth Gross, me (Deborah), and Heather Hewett, who graciously organized us all.

It was humbling to share the stage with Amy, a second-wave radical feminist/now historian, who shared a number of zingers herself, including: "Coming out of the 1950s, everything looks like progress." Amy is currently working on the history of women's liberation movement in New Haven and I can't wait to read what she has found. Elizabeth--a very savvy sophomore who turned 20 yesterday and who heads up the only feminist group on campus, the Feminist Majority Leadership Alliance--spoke beautifully from her heart. (Welcome to the 20s, Elizabeth! The 30s get even better!) We talked a lot about forms of social activism, current attitudes toward political engagement, what issues we'd fight for, and what "the personal is political" still means to women of different ages. And we talked about the role feminism plays in our life. Amy has written how "Feminism saved my life." I talked about how "feminism launched my life." In Elizabeth's words, "Feminism is me." I wished the WGLs could have been there to hear Amy and Elizabeth--they both moved me to my core.

WGL at Eastern Michigan University

2008-03-24T09:12:00.001-07:00

WGLs immersed in post-panel conversation with audience members, and signing books!

Deborah to Speak on Panel at New School 3/27

2008-03-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

So this week, I'm intergenerational-panel-cheating on my colleagues who have affectionately become known as the WGLs. But when Ann Snitow calls, I jump. And so, I of course said YES to participating on a panel this Wednesday at The New School in celebration of Women's History Month.

Ann is coeditor of The Feminist Memoir Project and a founder of New York Radical Feminists (circa 1969), the group that brought us the Miss America Protest that put women's liberation on the map, and so much more. The panel, "Feminist Generations/Feminist Locations: The Continuing Vitality of Feminist Thought and Action," will take on the state of feminism across generations. Joining Ann and I on Thursday will be:

AI-JEN POO of Domestic Workers United
MEREDITH TAX of Women’s World
(a founder of Boston’s Bread & Roses – 1969)
CLEOPATRA LAMOTHE of Women of Color Collective, Lang
ERICA READE of Moxie, Lang College Feminist Club

When and where, you ask?

THURSDAY, MARCH 27, 2008
66 WEST 12TH ST., ROOM 407
6:30-8 PM

For more info, please contact Soraya Field Fiorio, fiors393@newschool.edu.

The Bluest Eye

2008-03-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

We had this amazing realization on our tour launch about the book The Bluest Eye by the always deep, complicated, and imaginative novelist Toni Morrison. It turns out that it had a huge impact on three out of the four of us (we've charged Gloria with reading it immediately) and our paths towards feminism(s). Here's a reflection I did on Morrison, her work, and its interaction with feminism over at feministing.
Our realization is complicated, as even Morrison herself doesn't identify with the feminist label and, in fact, loathes it.

Student Newspaper Coverage of WGL

2008-03-19T15:20:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Lindsay Knake of the Central Michigan Life newspaper who did a great piece on our recent panel at her school. The lede:

Writer Deborah Siegel and the other panelists of "WomenGirlsLadies" are looking to change the way people view feminism.

Notice this great pic, which captures the moment Gloria nailed me with the hardest question of the night about women's voting power. Gees, that lady knows her stuff.

I have to say that Knake's article was a great improvement over the pre-event coverage which lead with the cringe-worthy: "Students can take part in a university-sponsored 'girl talk' tonight." Pass the nail polish and don't you dare freeze my underwear girlies!

But seriously, thanks to everyone at CMU, especially Jill who made it all happen. It was an absolute pleasure!

Hello, Mt. Pleasant!

2008-03-17T20:17:00.001-07:00

Well, Courtney pretty much summed up our travel adventures yesterday and I got nothin' to add. Except that I think I may soon be offering seminars in the Siegel Slip, as I am more than happy to share my line-busting, rule-breaking tips for the good of well-behavin women waiting unnecessarily in lines at airports across the land. Oh--one more thing. Miss Courtney, tomorrow, *I* call the cute black sweater dress and boots.

Thank goodness our travel misadventures nevertheless got us to Mt. Pleasant this morning, because I loved loved loved our visit to Central Michigan University. The students we spoke to today are amazing, and inspire me. During the day, Gloria and I talked to a group of Honors students about the pressures facing "academically gifted" women, while Kristal and Courtney spoke to a journalism class. After the big evening panel, we asked the audience to fill out forms telling us what they, as younger women, would like to say to older women, and vice versa. And we asked the men in the audience to tell us what they think about feminism, or what they'd like women to hear from them. We'll be posting some of the responses here, and my copanelists will be coposting at their various blogs as well. The responses are just too darn good not to coshare.

For more on today, here's the take from our resident young'un over at feministing. And do check out another intergenerational conversation Miss Courtney is participating in--about the election--over on Jewcy, along with Wendy Shanker and Bitch PhD.

(Heads up Kristal and Gloria: I think Courtney may be intergenerationally cheating on us over there!)

Adventures in Intergenerational Feminism!

2008-03-17T13:03:00.000-07:00

Debbie and my insane travel adventure starts at 11am in Boston, ends at 6:30am in Lansing the next morning. In between:

Taxi

Train

Gut-busting laughter with two other writer ladies; convince train conductor Mr. Dickerson to find us a New York Times when we tell him how cute he is

Train to Newark

Airtrain to Terminal

Wildly understaffed pub-burgers, salad, and fries hit the spot

Flight delayed for totally unknown reasons-sky is a beautiful, clear blue

Sit at counter and argue/coddle/flatter Delta staff until they get us on a flight to Chicago on American; I learn the ways of the Siegel slip (rules do not apply to this woman); team up with Mary Ellen, our friend from Jersey who is also doomed in trying to get to Lansing

Go back to baggage claim to get bags

Convince grumpy American staff to give us tickets

Go through security again, this time we are marked as possible terrorists and asked to go through a special screening; we set off the special alarm and it says EXPLOSIVES in huge red letters; machine is broken; we are not terrorists

American flight is delayed

Receive call from Orbitz TLC that flight from Cincinnati to Lansing was also delayed so we could have just taken that

Fly with the violent taste of warm chocolate chip cookies wafting back from first class

Get to Chicago, see every other hotel shuttle but ours

Get to hotel, go to bed

Get up at 4:45 am, Debbie and I put on the exact same outfit (black dress, tights, black boots)

Barely make the shuttle, airport is mobbed; commence Siegel slip again

United staff spends twenty minutes trying to find us a staple for our tickets

Go through rigorous security again; this time the woman asks us if we would like a private room to be patted down; we consider it, but decide she’s not our type

Get on tiny plane; passengers are rearranged to balance out the aircraft (that tiny)

Get to Lansing and meet Kevin who drives us the hour to Mt. Pleasant

8 moving vehicles, 2 rigorous pat downs, 5 grumpy airline workers, and almost 24 hours later, we arrive

Lots O Intergenerational Political Talk Over at Jewcy

2008-03-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

Check out this intergenerational conversation about the election that I'm having--blog style--over at Jewcy with the always gut-busting Wendy Shanker and the always brilliant Bitch Ph.D.

We're at Central Michigan University today, talking to journalism and honors students, lunching with brilliant comparative literature, sociology, and women's studies professors, and looking forward to a great panel tonight. Stay tuned!

Generation Me

2008-03-04T12:00:00.000-08:00

I wrote this column for the American Prospect Online on my generation and narcissism--a big topic of conversation among frustrated employers in the workplace, disillusioned young people, and everyone in between. It seems that despite the fact that some research confirms that we are more self-focused than previous generations, new research disputes that finding.

WGL. . .

2007-09-12T10:50:00.000-07:00

Part 1 of our new little logo goes live. (Thank you, Marco!)

Sisterhood, UNinterrupted?!

2007-09-11T21:19:00.000-07:00

I'm thrilled to be part of this dialogue. In my head I keep calling it "Sisterhood, UNinterrupted," and I feel so fortunate to be working with my fellow womengirlsladies to foster some much-needed cross-generational talk. These wgls inspire the heck outa me. And Patti: you'll be pleased to know, perhaps, that we decided against calling ourselves womenladygirls; we had different feelings among us, in the end, about calling ourselves "girls" :)

In addition to continuing the conversation I've been having at readings and talks around my book these past few months, the significance this dialogue has for me goes straight to my core. I've worked in the women's movement and in academia for about 15 years now, and, like Courtney, I've watched some pretty rough dynamics play out between women of different generations at work. And I've often felt caught in between -- the confidant of women on both ends of the age spectrum.
Old enough to sympathize, young enough to want things to change. Now that I'm working independently, I watch the chasm reflected -- or rather, writ large -- in our popular culture. Stereotypes of young women as apolitical bimbos ("Britney, c'est moi"??) and Boomer women as bra-burning throwbacks ("Hillary - so out of touch") drive me insane. With so much unfinished business, so much still to be done to ensure that women across ages and classes and races have the opportunity to live safe and full lives, I'm convinced it's time for a different tune.

And speaking of tunes, I love that Gloria has started us with a musical thread.

I recently learned of this jukebox musical that's currently playing in Minneapolis, called Respect: A Musical Journey of Women. It made me wonder, if feminism today had a few contemporary anthems, what would they be?

Language Arts

2007-08-26T15:20:00.000-07:00

I'm excited and delighted to be part of this panel.

In case anyone is wondering where we got our name, it was inspired by the line from the Country and Western song by Ed Bruce (who also wrote such other classics as "Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies to Grow up to Be Cowboys") that goes like this, "There's girls, and there's women and there's ladies. There's yeses, there's no's and there's maybes." It makes me laugh every time I hear it. Here's the whole song; it's a good example of the C and W storytelling that endears itself to my Texas-born heart in spite of my feminist soul:

There was only me and her and him
The bar was giving last call so I thought I'd move on in
And I was slick and feeling like a man so I took the stool between 'em
And ordered one more round for me and her and him
I placed my arms across the back of her barstool
And I don't remember what I said but at the time it sounded cool
She pushed her drink away and never looked at me
She just paid her tab tipped the man and left me sittin' there alone with him
And he said there's girls and there's women and there's ladies
There's yes'es and there's no's and there's maybe's
There's teasin' and pleasin' they start learnin' when they're babies
There's girls and there's women and there's ladies
Well he pushed his old straw hat back and he grinned
And he said ain't they all a mystery ha ha sonny it's a sin
They're all sittin' on the world they're tryin' to win
Ah but you know I love a mystery
So let's drink another round to you and me and them
He said there's girls...There's girls and there's women...He said there's girls...

Language usage is one of the most important elements of any conversation about women in the world today. When Hillary Clinton recently said about herself, "I'm your girl", she stirred up a little dust. I tend to think we women have simply matured past the need to rail against the word once we had made it our own little joke and/or sign of mutual affection. We took its power back from men who in the past used it as a way to demean and infantilize us. I don't know whether Hillary's use of "girl" was contrived, but it strikes me as a bit of self-deprecating humor of the sort that candidates need to use from time to time to show they are human.

What do others think?

Why this converation matters to me...

2007-08-23T13:38:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have been blessed with some of the most amazing mentors a girl could ask for, but I have also--to be down-and-dirty honest--had some really horrifying experiences with older women. Think body image expert not eating her own birthday cake, a thesis adviser who only pretended to read my blood, sweat, and tears work, and a racist, chain-smoking Devil Wears Prada boss.

When I was in my young 20s, I often took the bad to heart (waaaaay to heart), and though I think it made me stronger and more resilient, I also want to prevent that from happening to the next generation of youngins. Sure there are bad eggs everywhere, but the more that women can "out" some of our most toxic intergenerational thoughts, the less of them there will be.

Plus, we just have so much important work to do. And so much outrageous fun to have. I can assure you I am already having an absolute blast collaborating with Gloria, Debbie, and Kristal. Who knew work could be so fun?

Welcome to the conversation!

2007-08-23T13:23:00.000-07:00

Young women think empowerment means short skirts and high heels! They are so entitled!

Older women can’t let go of their leadership positions and they're so damn judgmental! It’s like they don’t even want young women to succeed!

Sound familiar?

With all the important work to do, it is time that women of all ages talked and listened to one another instead of rehashing the same cliquish complaints in isolation. It is time that we reopen a dialogue about women’s lives, power, entitlement, and empowerment from a generational perspective.

The four of us--Kristal Brent Zook, Gloria Feldt, Courtney E. Martin, and Deborah Siegel—are taking it on the road to spark just this discussion and we figured this would be a great online home for all of our thoughts, fights, and insights.

We are four diverse, feminist authors representing generations from Generation Y to pre-Baby Boomer and we want to ask the tough questions:

Are young women really opting out of the workforce?
Do older women really think of their employees as [overly?] entitled?
How can younger women express gratitude and learn from their elders and visa versa?
How can older women listen and cede power to the next generation?
What do power and empowerment look like to women of different generations?
Does liberated sexuality equal Paris Hilton? Madonna? Bisexuality?
What is the major unfinished business for women in the workplace today?
How do we keep our eyes on the prize of equality and opportunity for all?

Stay tuned for our intergenerational explorations of these issues, and so many others. And by all means, join in! Here's to women who have ideas and aren't afraid to use them...