"A Great Awakening"

We're all going to go to bed with massive, contented smiles on our faces after reading this young woman's reaction to our most recent panel, in which she says that she experienced, "a great awakening of the calm, negotiable, and strong feminist I can be." Amen.

And check out this great video she shot of one of the Starr Symposium organizers pre-show:

Thank you Kansas City!

We had an incredible day in Kansas City, Missouri with the wonderful women of the UMKC Women's Center and the Starr Symposium. It started with a workshop designed to foster intergenerational dialogue among women about work/life issues. We had all sorts of interesting insights, including the fact that power remains a problematic word for a lot of women. (More reason to read Gloria's new book!)

Our evening panel was filled with rich images, good humor, and deep insights (if we do say so ourselves). Actually, we don't have to say it, because so many other people have been. Here's a selection of the blog posts that have been written by diverse women in reaction to our conversation in Kansas City:

I was intellectually blissed out for two hours...After the talk, I went over to say hello to Gloria, who spoke at BlogHer '10, and mentioned I sure wish I'd had Gloria Feldt to talk to when I was 15.

'I know,' she said. 'I wish I had Gloria Feldt when I was 15.'

And therein lies the rub. We have to grow into our power. And we can't do that if we're so exhausted from balancing jobs and family that we have no time left for what's in our heads.

-Rita Arens, BlogHer

It was more than perfect. My time in the auditorium reminded me that I had been raised by a woman – my mother – who is a raging feminist, and that I had been deeply molded by two women – my grandmothers – who would have never admitted to being feminists in any form. These women gave me their best and let me catch glimpses of their worst. What shakes me to my core is that I never think about being a feminist myself, because I really don’t have to very much. It is ingrained in me to believe that women can do anything and be anything.

-S. Sloane Simmons, UMKC Women's Center Board Member
UMKC Women's Center blog

Thank you all for not being afraid to advocate for a world where men and women can enjoy 'genuine equality, educated choice, and live intentionally with authenticity.' Thank you for not being afraid to claim the “f-word” and for setting an example for:
-how to redefine power structures in an effort to correct imbalances
-how to understand our worth as women-individuals and negotiate accordingly
-how to assert our wants and needs without making unhealthy compromises
-how to approach partnership-relationships and work-life balance
-how to imagine better for our sons and daughters
-how to be courageous and when faltering or failing, do so GREATLY
and forgive ourselves
and try again tomorrow–
wiser, but also with as much passion, fervor, and optimism as before.

-Chiazotam Ekekezie, to live (def)

Power from Intergenerational Perspectives

It's been so fun for me to read the galley (the pre-publication form of a book) of Gloria's new manifesto: No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power. It's brought up all sorts of questions for me:

When does it become noble to exercise one's personal power in service to the collective and when is it self-sacrificing?

Why doesn't it feel like the rise of technological tools like the Internet have supported us to see the ways in which we have collective power? Instead it seems to encourage further individualization.

Is it really courage, as Gloria asserts, that women are lacking, or is it focus?

It's interesting that we have both been thinking, researching, and writing so much about power, social change, and gender, but coming at it from very different angles. My new book, Do It Anyway: The New Generation of Activists, was published by Beacon Press on September 7th. Here's a video of me talking about why I wrote it:



It's all great fodder for our upcoming panel at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, where we are returning for a second time to focus on work/life issues. We're very excited. (Thanks Brenda!)

And look out for the October issue of Harper's, in which Susan Faludi writes an article about intergenerational feminism that prominently features WomenGirlsLadies! We can't wait to see what Faludi had to say.

Don't Think Like an Elephant

Recently I was at the SeeJaneDo conference where I heard this story. I was so moved by it that I immediately had to include it in my forthcoming book about women's relationship with power--No Excuses, to be published in October--despite having already having turned in what were supposed to be the last changes.

It’s said that when a baby elephant is being trained, she is tied to a post almost immediately after birth. During the first few weeks of life, she attempts to break free of her restraints, but she’s not strong enough. So she comes to believe she can’t get away from what is holding her back even after she has grown large and plenty powerful to uproot the post entirely. As a consequence, even as an adult, she remains tied to the post due to an internally motivated behavior that is no longer rooted in external reality.

Wow, that just perfectly describes so many of the women in my generation, including myself. If women want to embrace our power we must reject baby elephant thinking and throw off the shackles of learned behavior that no longer serves us. And when older women talk with younger ones, they might have no reference point for the barriers we older ones are all too familiar with. No wonder there can be strains on communication across generations!

One of the most heartening differences I have found among the generations is that the younger women are, the less likely they are to hold such false restraints in their minds. But the older women are, the more likely they are to have a sense of engagement with the women's movement that has fought for the very advances that created the amazing possibilities women today have to do or be whatever they choose. Without a movement, it is easy to start going backward. History is replete with advances that turned into retreats because people didn't know how they got there.

All of this is why I feel the conversation engendered by WomenGirlsLadies is so important, and I invite you to participate in it here on our blog or in person if we are so fortunate as to be invited to your university or organization.

The Paradox of Reproductive Choice

There's nothing that gets the intergenerational dialogue churning like that ever-elusive quest for a balance of love, work, and babes. My column this week highlights some of the specific forces that are influencing my generation. An excerpt:

This year -- the year I turned 30 -- the birth-control pill is turning 50. As Elaine Tyler May points out in her new book, America and the Pill, that little technology promised a whole lot of change -- feminist liberation, angst-free sex, world peace -- that it hasn't quite delivered. Another thing that the pill didn't do was eradicate the modern woman's wrestle with those tricky twins: time and fertility.

I've recently left my 20s behind and people have started asking me if I'm going to procreate. I don't blame them. I'm acutely aware of the fact that time is already not on my side. Most studies indicate that fertility takes a downturn for most women in their 30s; most studies also indicate that men's sperm become less hearty as well.

This race against time is nothing new for people who want to have children but also want to enjoy their work, leisure, and autonomy. We still don't have federal legislation or a workplace culture that supports working families. We still haven't figured out the child-care hustle in our private lives.

What is new is the specific cultural moment in which we struggle.

Thank You Arizona State University!

We had a fantastic event this month at ASU. Here's a picture of the crew of us--this time we were grateful to be joined by Maria Teresa Kumar, of Voto Latino, and Brittany Collins, an amazing ASU student.

Women and Power: Connecting Across Generations

Check out Marianne Schnall and Patty Goodwin's piece on intergenerational feminism in anticipation of the Omega Institute's upcoming conference. I'll be speaking, along with Helen Thomas, Gloria Steinem, and many, many more. After introducing the three of us, they write:

So what do these three women have to talk about? Are they on the same page or at each other's throats? The cross-generational cartoon stereotype depicts a 60-something, white, man-hating, frizzy-haired feminist sneering at a spoiled, bulimic, twenty-something slacker. And some pundits would have you believe there's a vast generational divide, with not only divergent life experiences, but rivers of misunderstanding and resentment flowing through it.

But Courtney Martin doesn't entirely agree, and points to the media spreading common misconceptions about younger women including "the notion that my generation, the younger generation, is entitled, and ungrateful, or out of touch with what feminism means. That is something I hear bandied about a lot, particularly in mainstream media spheres."

The (Happy) Female Breadwinner

Check out this interesting podcast by Michelle Haimoff where she interviews Judith Rosenthal, a financial advisor and the primary breadwinner of her family, about the way female breadwinners are depicted in the media, the cultural definitions of masculinity and femininity, and the myth of "having it all."

Don't Call it a He-Cession

Check out my column, largely inspired by our conversation Saturday, on men's involved in feminist activism. An excerpt:

The truth is our fates are inextricably tied together, not running on two parallel tracks. When men lose their jobs -- and, indeed, they have at a higher rate than women recently -- American families all suffer, just as they suffer when women are paid unequal wages or fired for missing work to take care of sick kids or an elderly parent. Newsflash: Men aren't from Mars and women aren't from Venus; we're all struggling to make healthy, meaningful lives on the same damn planet -- and it's time we started acting like it.

Photos from Dads, Dudes, and Doing It

It was sort of emotional for each of us in different ways to be talking about our fathers. I was missing mine who died almost 15 years ago, Deborah's pregnancy hormones exacerbated her weepiness when relating her own childhood to the twins she and Marco will soon welcome into the world, Courtney talks about how her father resigned from an all-male club when she was born because he didn't want to belong to an organization that wouldn't allow his daughter to be a member, and Kristal riveted us with her touching story of having used her newly hatched journalism skills to track down the father who had been absent from her life almost since birth and persuading him to attend her graduation with a PhD at age 27. Here we're answering questions after we told our own stories at the Brooklyn Museum yesterday. L-R: Gloria, Deborah, Kristal, Courtney



Here's Elizabeth Sackler, whose vision and philanthropy made this event possible.




Signing books afterward. We appreciate everyone who attended on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Let us know your afterthoughts.

Dads, Dudes, and Doing It THIS SATURDAY

DADSDUDES_F

Gearing up for Dads, Dudes, and Doing It with Notes from Daddy Land

In preparation for our Dads, Dudes, and Doing It event coming up, I wanted to share some posts from The Man Files -- a regular feature by author/blogger Shira Tarrant -- over at the group blog I edit, Girl w/Pen. The latest entry, titled "Stuff Hallmark Doesn't Put on Father's Day Cards," is by Men Speak Out contributor, school social worker, community activist, lecturer, and writer and a founder of The Real MEN’s Project, Dani Meier.

As Shira explains, Dani writes about his experience as both a custodial and non-custodial parent. This stuff doesn’t fit neatly on a Hallmark card, but it should! It comes from the heart and speaks to so many, whether we are fathers, have fathers, or watch our children’s relationships with their own dads unfold.

You can read Dani's post right here.

Thank You Princeton!

We had a great event last weekend at Princeton, despite having to compete with raucous reunion festivities. (It turns out that Princeton alumni are very serious about their reunion-ing.)

Some of the great questions/insights that audience members brought up included:

What happens when women become more financially or professionally successful than their male partners? One woman in the audience feels that the contrast cost her a marriage!

We need to expand the work/life conversation beyond "get as much help as you can" in privileged circles. How can we see it as a collective fight, not a personal failure?

Are women biologically predisposed to want to spend time with their babies in a way that feminists don't feel comfortable admitting? An OB-GYN assures everyone that no woman can possibly know how she'll feel (in terms of desires around staying home or getting back to work), until she's in that post-birth moment.

Perhaps the 1970s feminist movement was not as cohesive as it is somehow portrayed to younger women. Would love to talk more about this...

Thanks to the amazing organizers, Amada, Jennifer, and Chloe, and all of those who came out for the event!

Dads, Dudes, and Doing It at the Brooklyn Museum June 20 @ 2pm

Is the relative explosion of Mr. Moms proof that things are finally changing or is it just a temporary sign of the dire economic times?

In a world that is finally waking up to women’s sexual fluidity, are men going to be left out in the cold? And, why are some women still attracted to assholes, in reality, if they claim to be so interested in sensitive men, in theory?

When are more men going to care about work/family balance? And what the heck is the role of men in the feminist movement, anyway?

These are just some of the questions that your WomenGirlsLadies team with tackle in this provocative discussion at the Brooklyn Museum right in time for Father’s Day. Representing the perspectives of four unique generations, we’ll wrestle with women’s ever-evolving relationship with the men in their lives—fathers, partners, and sons—and the men out in the world—from Rush Limbaugh to Barack Obama.

Here's some of our recent audience reaction: Shelly Heller, Director of the Women’s Leader Program at George Washington University calls us, “engaging, clear, direct, and often extremely personal,” and Maya Wainhaus, Program Coordinator at 92YTribeca, says “The panelists left the whole room feeling energized and ready to take charge!”

Come and join the long overdue conversation, with special guests Susan Faludi, Jessica Valenti, and Trey Ellis among others. The event is FREE but bring your voice!

We're thrilled that the event is co-sponsored by the Women’s Media Center, 85 Broads, and the National Council for Research on Women too.

Gearing Up for Princeton

As we're preparing for our much-anticipated appearance at Princeton's alumni weekend, (Saturday, May 30, 4pm in McCosh 10) we've been mulling over some of the most important questions these days concerning women and work/the economy. Here are a few we've come up with:

What was the climate for women and work when and where you were born, and how did that inform the way you grew up thinking about your own possibilities?
What do you think is peculiar about your generation's relationship to work and/or money? What's media hype (i.e. my generation=entitled) and what's accurate?
What is the unfinished business of feminism, esp, when it comes to work and family issues?

Holler if you've got other suggestions.

Bea Arthur: How One Powered Women Spoke Up

[Note: I'm sharing this article I wrote about Bea Arthur's passing here because the character she played on "Maude" was such a classic depiction of the generation of feminists during the 1970's. Of course, those sophisticated women like Maude in New York were way ahead of me and my peers out in West Texas. Still, the fundamental human stories have always been the same across time and generations. You can see additional video and photos here.]

4/25/09 Actress Bea Arthur died today at age 86.

She was a Tony-winning stage actress when Norman Lear saw her and tapped her for a guest role in his famous "All in the Family" series, where she played Edith Bunker's mouthy liberal cousin Maude who was always at odds with Edith's conservative husband Archie. "Maude" soon became a sitcom of its own, and Arthur's character continued taking on the significant social and political issues of the day--speaking up about all those subjects we were warned against bringing up in polite company, from sex and infidelity to politics and activism to death and depression.

It was the mid-1970's at the height of second wave feminism, and if ever there were proof that feminists have a sense of humor, it was in Maude's way of playing even the most serious of subjects for laughs.

In this classic exchange between Maude her husband Walter, who arrives home to find Maude distraught, the show dealt with abortion--a first on a major sitcom to do so forthrightly.


Walter: Maude, did you wreck the car again?

Maude: Did you hear that, everybody? DID YOU HEAR THAT? Not "Maude, are you sick?" Or "Maude, are you unhappy?" Or even, "Maude, are you pregnant?" No, "Maude, did you wreck the car again?"

Walter: You're right, darling. You're absolutely right. I'm sorry. So tell me, are you sick?

Maude: No.

Walter: Are you unhappy?

Maude: No.

Walter: Are you pregnant?

Maude: Yes.

They go through all aspects of the decision process. Maude, already a grandmother in her late 40's, decides she should not go through with the pregnancy and has an abortion. Watch the video to see how her daughter speaks of abortion as it should be.

It was a little slice of realism rarely seen today, when the option of abortion is so often pushed again into the virtual back room and rarely mentioned in pop culture; the movie "Knocked Up", for example, uses the euphemism "rhymes with smashmortion" rather than mention this--the most common women's surgical procedure--by name. And soap operas are famous for those well-timed miscarriages that avoid the sticky subject of real women making reproductive choices, while leaving the full drama of mistimed pregnancies available to their script lines.

After "Maude", Arthur had a chance to open up for public discussion yet one more previously off-limits topic: aging, especially the issues women face aging in a youth-oriented culture. She played Dorothy on "The Golden Girls," the NBC comedy hit that ran from 1985-92. The show explored the lives of three older women sharing a household in Miami with Dorothy's widowed mother, Sophia (played by Estelle Getty). Besides Arthur's character, there was Betty White playing the ditsy Rose and Rue McClanahan as the sexy senior, Blanche.

Arthur won Emmys for both "Maude" and "Golden Girls". She was inducted into Academy of Television Arts & Sciences Hall of Fame in 2008, an honor well-deserved for her lifetime of extraordinary work.

But personally, I am most grateful to Bea Arthur, (and of course to Norman Lear and everyone associated with "Maude") for bringing the reality of unintended pregnancy and abortion out of the back room and into the real human story where it belongs. May she rest in peace and her memory be a blessing to us all.



http://www.GloriaFeldt.com/powered-women

72-27

Check out this wonderful intergenerational feminist blog, 72-27, by a couple of Christian women. There is incredible depth and breadth in the topics they discuss. An excerpt:

By making known what is happening to our sisters around the world, we may be doing our little part to pull up the shades, let in the light, and increase awareness of how much work we have yet to do to help girls and women dream their dreams and experience the light of education and empowerment. And we need men to help, too. Women can’t do it alone, because we’re all in this together. Jesus told us not to hide our light under a bushel, so we need to spread the light we’ve been given.

Princeton or Bust!

Good news all you Jersey gals and guys--we're headed to Princeton University on May 30th for the alumni festivities. We'll keep you posted on timing and exact location. Thanks to Amada, at the Women's Center, for making it all happen!

The End fo the Women's Movement

Check out Courtney's take on Unfinished Business, an intergenerational event at the Elizabeth A. Sackler Center for Feminist Art at the Brooklyn Museum of Art. An excerpt:

In today's climate of shaky economics, smaller and smaller subcultures, and lightning-speed information, a feminism based on picket lines and in-person consciousness-raising groups is next to impossible. I wish that we could all come to terms with that. Instead of pining over days far gone or talking about how we might resurrect them, we could put our energy into supporting the good work on the ground going on right now -- the Young Women's Empowerment Project in Chicago, the Student Action with Farmworkers in Durham, Exhale after-abortion counseling in Oakland, Domestic Workers United in New York, and more. We could revise our expectations -- not a few giant fireworks but so many little sparks; not worldwide protests but effective public-awareness campaigns and advocacy and service provision; not a unified body but a courageous and creative culture.

And don't miss Debbie's great live blogging of the event.

Sisterhood is Powerful for a New Generation

Chloe Angyal, a senior at Princeton who attended our panel last week, was inspired to write this op-ed about sisterhood and feminism for the Christian Science Monitor. Congratulations Chloe! Here's an excerpt:

Everywhere you look, young women are taking action to carry on the work done by previous generations, and not just in the area of reproductive rights. Women are reading, writing, blogging, voting, protesting, educating, speaking, and working to build on the progress – political, legal and cultural – that older women have worked so hard to achieve. As women we all need to remember that we're on the same side.

That's what sisterhood is, and it can be a powerful thing.

That's not to say women shouldn't support other women simply because they happen to have the XX chromosome in common. But in order to ensure continued progress for women, older women need to form relationships with younger women instead of fearing us or belittling us. Even when we don't agree, women need to engage with one another's ideas and intellects, instead of going for the modern-day jugular of appearance and weight. We won't always agree, but we must always treat each other with respect, and we must applaud, and listen to women when they speak out in a world that seeks to silence them.

Check out Chloe's great blog too!